Transcript of secret White House conversation earlier this week:

Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel: Bobby – what are you doing going off on progressives like that? You fuckhead! We may hate them, but we need them.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs: Yeah. My bad. I just get so frustrated with them. They’re not voting the way we want. They’ve been a little hard to manage.

President Obama: Yeah. Bad move. Now we have to give them something.

Emanuel: Shit! See what you did, ratfuck? See what you did? OK. Done. What can we give them? Let’s think.

Obama: Can’t be anything important.

Gibbs: Can’t hurt anyone in congress – you know – can’t be something they have to take a stand on and maybe get hurt.

Obama: Symbolic. Empty. Meaningless. Think, guys, think!

Obama supports ground zero mosque! Obama supports ground zero mosque!