To the good life!

I am thankful for little people. I don’t know who they are, but they make my shoes and clothing, carry away my garbage, and, I am told, even go down in the sewers to make sure that it all flows smoothly. I really, really appreciate them.

I am a member of the Democratic, or “left” side of the two ruling collectives here in our great Republic. We are the ones who really care about little people. We are better people than the Republicans, who abuse them. We of the Democratic collective know more about little people, which is why they support us when we put our leaders before them for the biennial voting ritual.

We care. For instance, we want to keep them educated in the means of social advancement by giving them the necessary education to survive in today’s world. Where once the tools of the important occupations were the broom and shovel, pipe wrench and dolly, today they are the cash register and scanner. Oh yeah – and that thing that makes my lattes – you know – the steam shooter? (?)

Here’s a humorous story: This happened down in New Mexico recently. There is a chain store known as “The Wal-Mart” (NYSE: WMT) where little people shop for Chinese goods, and where other little people perform various important functions. One of the functions is to gather shopping carts from the parking lot and return them to the entrance. They use a machine that pushes them from behind while a little person walks in front guiding them.

Anyway, I suppose you’d have to see the store video to appreciate the humor, but one of these little people got on the cart-pushing machine and tried to escape. He was a portly McDonalds-fed specimen, and was easily run down by another portly specimen, a “security guard”, as The Wal-Mart labels them. Imagine the scene as one blubberous specimen overtook the other!

When interrogated, the escapee claimed to be disappointed at having aspirations of “a better life” where he would be “rewarded” for his “hard work”. It was a clear case of EV, or expectation virus. He was not a breeder, so there were no offspring. The store management euthanized him.

Sidenote: Remember when Roman slaves were executed, and their heads placed on stakes to line the road into the city? How far we have come since those brutal days!

Anyway, EV does pop up now and then, but is largely under control. When brought home from the war of the 1940’s (the one where everybody had to fight, there being a real enemy and all), returning veterans collectively decided they were entitled to a “better life”, as the traitor Roosevelt put it.

The virus was rampant during the fifties and sixties until antidotes were found, and is pretty much wiped out now. The antiviral drug known as “Proctoutsource” was very effective, as was Neo_Nafta and of course, the aged but effective “Rightowork”, still sold over the counter. Non-infected Mexican species of lp’s are also replacing those strains where the virus occasionally exhibits in a latent strain.

Things have settled down, and the breeding stock is kept functional for the productive years in a corn-fed state with heavy doses of television. Tobacco people do a good job of spreading the smoking habit, so that many of them die shortly after their productive years end. And reading, that awful two-edged sword that both infects and inoculates, has been brought under control.

During the height of the pandemic, little people had infiltrated the information delivery system with images of death in one of the foreign conflicts. It wasn’t well understood then, but apparently these images inflamed passions. The TV has been retaken by the ruling parties, and the threat is eliminated. The indoctrination system is working well.

Life is good. The masses are calm, EV under control. Education throws a wet blanket on the land of the free. You can see it in faces … blank stares, passions let free only at sporting events or during election cycles, when the “voting” ritual allows for a grand staging of their “freedom”. (Best damned control word ever invented, IMHO.) Dangerous energies are well under control.

All is well. Let’s be thankful for the little people, but even more so for those great minds among us who have tamed them, removed the threats to our way of life, and made the holidays a time when we can really toast one another with sincere gratitude.

To the good life!