Attention all Democrats:

March 28, 2013

To: All Democrats
From: Central Committee

Effective immediately you are IN FAVOR of the Keystone Pipeline, and have ALWAYS favored this pipeline. At no time did you ever doubt that Great Leader would approve it, and that it is a wise, virtuous, and good public policy. 35 jobs are 35 jobs we would not have without Great Leader

You are also in favor of protecting Monsanto from oversight and lawsuits regarding genetically modified foods, and have always been in favor. Great Leader signing a bill today protecting Monsanto is what you want, and what you have always stood for.

Just as with wars, torture, Gitmo, tax cuts, austerity, and saving Medicare and Social Security by attacking those programs, Great Leader reminds you that your support for him in this trying time is critical to the success of his Administration. Remember, a successful presidency is on your shoulders.