Dirty Hairy

By: Cranky Yanky

With gender fluidity being all the rage in this “woke” society, I thought I would take a closer look at the mysterious phenomenon known as the “hair band.”  I call it mysterious because I never understood what attracted so many young people to this genre of music.  I mean, even if I weren’t put off by the imagery (which I am), I still wouldn’t like the music.  Then again, I’ve never been a fan of what I term the “Velveeta” style of overly-processed production.  But each to his own, music is subjective. 

Still, I can’t help it wonder if fans of this sub-genre of music aren’t constantly questioning their sexual orientation and preferences.  I imagine females thinking to themselves, “His hair and makeup are better than mine, but I WANT him!  Wait a minute, do I secretly desire other women?”  I’ve always been under the impression that women do not like to date men who are prettier than themselves for obvious reasons.  Speaking of obvious, do I even need to conjecture what dudes might be asking themselves? 

The intel operation known as the Beatles can be credited, among many things, with initiating the acceptance of long hair on men.  It wouldn’t take long before the envelope would be pushed, culminating with the Glam Rock movement of the early 70s.  But, the purpose of that initial “Glam” phase appears to have been an acclimation process.  It wouldn’t be until the 80s when MTV became pervasive that the “in your face” emascusation aspect would take hold.

Hanoi Rocks are credited with bringing the glam rock look of the early 70s (David Bowie, T. Rex, New York Dolls) back in style.  In 2003, when former band member Nasty Suicide was asked about the band’s look, he said that he and lead singer Michael Monroe (pictured) decided to bring a kind of “transvestite vibe to it”.  Joe Elliott, frontman of Def Leppard, said of Michael Monroe, “I would have shagged him.  I like Michael, I think he’s sexy, and I’m not gay.”  

Michael Monroe was born Matti Antero Kristian Fagerholm in Finland in 1962.  Wikipedia informs us that his father, Pentti Johannes Fagerholm was a very well-known Finnish radio personality and reporter. 

Michael Monroe’s extensive family history is easily traced at Geni.com.  Here is a translation of his father’s resume from the site:

Pentti Johannes Fagerholm served as an announcer for the Finnish Broadcasting Company from 1956 to 1976, as head of radio broadcasting from 1977 to 1984 and as chief announcer from 1985 to 1998. He had a master’s degree in social science. Pentti Fagerholm’s voice is also known for stereo testing (“You hear the ticking of the metronome…”)  Would that be stereo testing or Hypnotism?

So, is it merely a coincidence that a Finnish media mogul/hypnotist with expertise in “institutions and functioning of human society” would have a gender-bending son so smokin’ hot that “heterosexual” rock stars and fanboys would drool with testosterone-infused lust? 

Hanoi Rocks’ first album on a major label was produced by Bob Ezrin, a man involved in too many subversive activities to list here.  Of course, his family history is a mystery.  Wikipedia informs us that Ezrin has “branched out into philanthropy, activism and being an eco-warrior.”  Paul Stanley of Kiss called working with Ezrin a “boot camp of sorts…we saw ourselves as ‘rock stars’ and didn’t take crap from anybody, but we buttoned our lips and bit our tongues with Bob.”  Just more confirmation that record producers are there to serve primarily as handlers. 

Twisted Sister’s lead vocalist Dee Snider rejected the glam metal label of the band, “I don’t think Twisted Sister is ‘Glam’ because that implies glamour, and we’re not glamorous.  We should be called ‘Hid’ because we’re hideous.”  Nonetheless, Twisted Sister bridged the gap and could appeal to both thrash metal and glam metal fans.  International fame came for the band when videos of their hit singles ran almost constantly on MTV.  Despite being comedic in nature, the videos featured violence against teachers and parents, forcing Snider to attend a dog-and-pony show commonly referred to as Senate Committee Hearings.  Comedy is a powerful tactic used by TPTB to promote subversive ideology since those who object are uptight, stick-in-the-mud oppressors who “don’t get it.” 

DEE SNIDER REVEALS SURPRISE COVID DIAGNOSIS:  I’ve been having problems with my home studio and got COVID in spite of the fact that I’m fully vaccinated. It happened a few days ago. This is about day five. It was really minor, like, nothing that Advil and Sudafed [couldn’t handle]…Even though I feel fine, I don’t want to take a chance. Hopefully, I’ll be super-immune. Like I said, I’m fully vaccinated, plus [I got] COVID…I said, “Maybe I’ll get tested just for the hell of it.” I got a home test and I’m like, “What the fuck?”  

Snider’s family history is mostly “private,” especially concerning his “retired New York State Trooper” father.   FUN FACT:  Snider’s eldest son Jesse was the voice of Pizza Hut and Cheetos for a number of years.  Talk about hideous…and cheesy!

Jay Jay French (born John French Segall) is an American guitarist and founding member of Twisted Sister.  His mother, Evaline French, was a political consultant to the Democratic Party in New York who worked for the JFK presidential campaign.  She also ran the successful election campaign of Constance Baker Motley (Crue?), the first African American woman elected to the New York State Senate.  FUN FACT:  Con Motley’s father worked as a chef for the Yale University secret society Skull and Bones.  Now that’s a Motley Crew!  

These days, Jay Jay is focusing his energy on a national education campaign called “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” playing off Twisted Sister’s most famous song.  It’s about fighting back against the Covid jab…not!  The campaign raises awareness about the importance of screening and early detection of prostate cancer.   “We don’t feel like we have a problem until we really have a problem,” said Dr. Julio Pow-Sang, a prostate cancer specialist with Moffitt Cancer Center. 

Or maybe we just don’t have a problem…or maybe there is a problem with the test.

Twisted Sister’s biggest album, Stay Hungry, was produced by a man named Tom Ehrlich Werman.  We don’t know anything about his family history, but he and his wife Suky DID open Stonover Farm, a “luxury bed and breakfast” in Lenox, Massachusetts.  I found a picture of him and his wife:

Whoops!  That’s actually Sookie St. James (Melissa McCarthy) to the left, who opened the Dragonfly Inn with Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls) in Hartford, Connecticut.  (Tom Worm-man:  “Be honest.  Does this fake pic make my head look big?”)

Moving along, it appears that there was/is a hair band called Britny Fox that I had confused with the pop singer Samantha Fox.  Not difficult for me to do, having been a fan of neither.  The band members have sparse bios, but it is admitted that the bane Britny Fox derives from a Welsh ancestor of founding member Dean Davidson.  Of course, Fox is a massive name in the Peerage, so there really is no need to dig into genealogies since they are wearing their privilege on their satin sleeves.  Davidson later expressed a dislike for the Britny Fox material, saying he was “controlled by management.”  Shocker!   

One of these “musicians” is a confirmed lesbian.  HINT:  It’s the one who, at age 16, began appearing as a topless model.

OK, I think you get the gist of what I’m trying to present, so let’s check in with some more Hairballs and find out how they are dealing with this “pandemic.”

11/1/2021:   Bon Jovi, 59, and his bandmates took rapid tests just before the concert and Bon Jovi tested positive. He is fully vaccinated. Ticket holders were required to show proof of vaccination or negative test results to get into the concert, the highlight of a three-day hotel package costing up to thousands of dollars a person.

7/18/2020:  Dokken Play a Socially Distanced Show With Guitarist Reb Beach in Virginia.  “I’m taking a risk doing these shows. I know that. But what are you going to do? My girlfriend makes me put the gloves on, the mask on, the spray – we constantly spray our hands. I try not to wipe my mouth. So, she’s not happy about me going on a plane. I have five or six plane flights in two days, so that’s pretty high chances.

3/29/2020:  FASTER PUSSYCAT Drummer CHAD STEWART Is Recovering From COVID-19: ‘The Worst Is Over’  “Stay safe!!  Wash your hands!!”  Understandably, his imminent heart disease issues will be Covid related and have nothing to do with over-indulgence.

11/4/2021:  KIX Frontman On His Band’s COVID-19 Battle: ‘We Were Vaccinated, So It Was Very Mild For All Of Us’

‘We’re able to be here tonight because there is a vaccination, and I really encourage everybody to take it.’ I tell people that I think it’s really important that we all get vaccinated. And people who are offended by it, they’re just some people that won’t do it. And they’re the ones [who are] holding everything up.

7/21/2021:  The city of Lorain, like others found a creative way to provide incentives for those willing to get the vaccine. A concert with headliner Lita Ford was held and anyone who could produce a card showing they were vaccinated or anyone willing to get vaccinated before the concert was able to get in free.

8/8/2021: Sebastian Bach Got Covid-19 Despite Vaccination

“If you’re wondering why I’m by myself wearing a mask, I guess it’s time to let you guys know I have been diagnosed and have tested positive for Covid. Yes, it’s true. But I have to tell you that I feel totally great. [Laughs] I’m fully vaccinated. I was given the vaccine — the J&J [Johnson & Johnson], one shot and done — back in March. But I guess Covid wasn’t done.”