The reaper of the past visits only in the evening

Denial is used by individuals, groups, and even nations to defend themselves against disturbing feelings, contradictions, thoughts, or events. An unpleasant situation is simply rendered nonexistent. Responsibility or blame is projected neatly upon someone else. Repression and denial are often interrelated and undistinguishable. Denial is far subtler than simple lies or misrepresentations. Lies are usually discovered and exposed. Denial is an unconscious mechanism that permits anyone to escape conscious awareness,. Denial can even develop into a powerful conviction. It is often involved in religious fervor, irreconcilable marital conflicts, chauvinistic nationalism, and political or national idealism, and is a frequent aspect of blind faith.

The above words are from William Bryan Key, the guy that wrote Subliminal Seduction, the book that has saved me thousands of dollars over the years in unpurchased deodorant. Specifically, it is taken from The Age of Manipulation: The Con in Confidence, The Sin in Sincere, his 1989 book, page 84. I read Subliminal Seduction back in the 1970s, and it got me looking at advertising, especially ice cubes in liquor ads, but I could never spot much of the perversions going on there on my own. I’d like to read it again, but the most recent Amazon offering is pricing it at $153. It’s become a collectors’ item.

Key himself (1925-2008) was never taken seriously in the ad business, as most who work there are unaware of what is going on in their own art departments, much less of the behavioral psychology behind every ad campaign. I avoid advertising to the best of my ability because I know it is seductive and subversive. I need to keep my distance from those behaviors and people. They freely use sex to sell, but most are not aware of the subliminals and steganography** (a word I just learned and so am anxious to use). The higher you go in agencies, the more likely to find working knowledge of the craft as it is really practiced. I do not think it is taught in colleges, and is strictly on-the-job learning.

Mr. Key left a mark, and like all prophets, was disregarded, even scorned in his own life.

I know a person who spent a career in advertising, and who aged out, that is, it’s a young person’s game. However, and this brings me to the opening quote above, as this person is in denial, thinking unemployment is the result of hiring preferences based on youth, gender, race, and and sexual proclivities. But I know, and probably this person too, knows deep down, that advertising is based on results. If they don’t move product off the shelf, they end up as Walmart greeters. This applies to everyone working there.

I am thinking these days more of denial. I could use some, at least more than I already practice. I am 75, and am not a drinker/smoker/pothead. I don’t have these particular tools to use to avoid my past. I wish I did. There are things I have done in the past, especially when young, but last year too, that I want to forget. I can’t. These acts of stupidity, greed, malice, lust and arrogance do not bother me during the day. But in the evening and at night, when trying to get to sleep, or waking up too early, they come visit me. I sometimes think of WWII movies where bombers approach from the East … sometimes late in the day (by 5 PM I’ve been up 13, maybe 14 hours), I begin to feel visitations by memories, and I think “The bombers are heeere.”

I want these memories to go away, and have even considered CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. If I trusted the psychological professions, I might go that route, but as I scan through the pages of therapists available on the internet, I find that most are young women. I need an older man, wizened and clever and experienced by hard knocks, and such men don’t seem available. So, how do I feeeeeel about that? I feeeeeel profession is a bit of a joke.

Here’s a useless anecdote: I read The Varieties of Religious Experience, by William James. It was a series of lectures given in England at the turn of the 20th century. Anyone who goes back in time to experience the thinkers of the 19th century might realize that they were smarter then than now, and less affected by media, especially electronic media with its hypnotic power. So, at a social gathering last year I was talking with a professional therapist, and I mentioned the book, which she had never heard of … no failing, as it is obscure. She asked who wrote it and I told her William James, and she said “Who was he?” I said without thinking, or maybe subliminally wanting to slam her, that “He is considered the father of modern psychology.”

She studied her profession in college, got her degree and license to practice, and had never heard of one of the giants of the discipline. Anyway, I committed a faux pas, most likely unintentional, but was it, really? I’m not regretting her embarrassment, so maybe that memory will arrive someday on one of the 5PM bombers.

I am resigned now to my fate, that I earned my memories, made my mistakes, had human failings, was not smart enough in my youth, and that is life. With so many aspects of being alive, I find I am not unique. I think it safe to assume that many good and honest people too have regrets, and want to eliminate people and events of the past from their thinking. For myself, my solution is to accept my humanness, and more importantly to realize that for every bad or stupid thing I’ve done, I’ve also done scores of good, even smart things. I am not a bad person, and am in full possession of an active conscience, maybe even self-awareness.

This is just a life, honestly lived, without the benefit of substances to put me in denial and to keep me there. I guess it takes a little courage to face the past in the present, and I am surviving, even doing well. During the day. Maybe eventually at night as well!

Welcome to my world, and I am betting you, if of age, are welcoming me to yours.

___________________

** Steganography is the practice of concealing information within an ordinary, non-secret file or message to avoid detection, effectively “hiding in plain sight.” Derived from the Greek words steganos (covered or concealed) and graphein (writing), the technique ensures that the very existence of the secret message remains imperceptible to casual observers.

17 thoughts on “The reaper of the past visits only in the evening”

  1. I’ve always been irritated by the concept of “regret”.

    Often times people claim regret for a situation or action (or lack of action), with the confident assumption implied that something “better” would have happened if they had acted differently in a certain situation.

    Most often these regrets are focused upon financial circumstances, or relationships, and people imagine missed opportunities where they would now be happier if they had “made the right choice”, at some particular time.

    Obviously, *everyone* can point to situations in their lives when they wish something different had happened…it’s unavoidable.

    Life is full of tragedy and loss and it’s human nature to look back to those moments and drive yourself crazy with imagining a different “you” that would have made it all ok.

    I think the remedy (or consolation) to that, is your statement about “living life honestly”.

    Sure, if we could all go back in time with the knowledge and wisdom that we currently possess, we likely would have made a myriad of different decisions in our lives. But believing we *should have* made different decisions is putting an unreasonable burden upon ourselves that we would never put on any other person, particularly one we care about.

    My wife can be particularly hard upon herself for what she perceives as “mistakes”, however she is compassionate and understanding towards me and towards our daughter, when we talk of “mistakes” in our own lives.

    She struggles with giving herself the same amount of grace that she gives others. She has what I would say is an unrealistic expectation of her own perfection (at times).

    If you trust your current self, and truly believe that you live your life honestly, then I’d humbly suggest that your past self was living honestly as well…he just didn’t have the experience and wisdom that your current self does.

    And, really, it’s your past self that got you to where you are today…a man who you currently respect and makes all his decisions with honest intent.

    It’s difficult, I know, as we age, because there is more of an accumulation of “bad stuff” that we have to deal with. Many people can’t handle it and end up grumpy and depressed, and as you pointed out, numbing themselves on drink and/or drugs.

    But if you know that you *always* were trying your best, with the tools you had, to live your best life, then how can you truly regret that?

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  2. The “like” button is not working … but thanks for that comment, and I offer regards to your wife and congratulate her on choice of a wise partner too.

    My (much) older brother was a smart person all his life, impressing everyone he met at all ages. I told him once that I lived differently, that as I walk through life I am also walking beside myself offering commentary, usually negative. He died at 68 when I was 61, and I vowed at that time that I would live longer than him. Success! Take that, Mr. Perfect!

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  4. What you’ve described has been happening to me for about the past year now. I’m younger than you are (68), so I imagine it’ll become even more intense as I grow older.
    I also wanted to add something regarding older, important, books and their incredible rise in price, which I believe may have to do with keeping important information out of the reach of the ‘everyday’ reader.
    This subject came up recently, while I was in the midst of reccomending “The Deliberate Dumbing Down of America” by Charlotte T. Iserbyt, to someone. I’d bought my own digital copy about 6/7 years ago, for about ten euro. I looked it up on both Amazon Italy and the regular Amazon and the paperback copy sells for anywhere between $74 and $331!!! I admit that I have no idea why there’s such a gap between the lowest and the highest price, but either one makes it difficult for the so called masses to be able to afford the book.
    I really enjoyed the post, as I do all on POM! Thanks very much!!

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    1. I often get hung up on words and definitions and context, so perhaps that’s what’s happening here, but I’m not sure how one could “learn from mistakes…” without first “judging” an action as a “mistake”.

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      2. Of course, the judgement is already in the regret. What I meant to say is something like : Don’t merely regret and apologise today and repeat what you regret tomorrow.

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      1. Hi Mark, I would like to send you a text I wrote some time ago. Maybe jou’ll find it interesting. I had your mail address years ago, but lost it. Can I mail my little essay to you? Maybe you find it suitable for your blog ….

        Kind regards, Jan Spreen

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  7. Opinionist and I need to follow the Spreen advice.

    Anyway, I found it cathartic to write this piece, and found the comments very useful, so thank you all.

    Yesterday we did grueling labor stacking dead trees from our little plot of land here, and last evening, the bombers did not come! I slept well, feel rested, and will remember Jan’s advice, that regrets are “worthless.” Things would have to be quite different even if I were able to go back in the past – I’d have to be smarter younger, and come from a different birth family (God rest your beautiful soul, Mom). There’s only one direction in life, and it is not backwards.

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  8. I started the three-year commercial art program at Dawson College in Montreal in September of 1977 — I was 17. Dawson also had an “arts plastique” (fine arts) program, but I wanted to become a cartoonist, and I assumed that the commercial art program would fit my needs better. Those of us in the program were required to take various art courses (life drawing, colour theory, drafting, 2D design, 3D design, lettering, etcetera). We also had to take one literature course and one “humanities” course per semester. 

    In the summer semester of ’78, I ended up in a humanities course that was taught by the late Nicholas Regush. (I just checked, and there is a Wikipedia page  … 

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas_Regush

    … about him). I can’t remember what the course was called, but Wilson Bryan Key’s Subliminal Seduction was one of the books that we had to read for it. 

    Then, in the fall semester, in one of my arts courses, we were given an assignment: we had to create a magazine ad for a fictional product and, in the ad, we had to insert a word or image that was supposed to register subliminally, preferably something sexual in nature, although words like BUY were also acceptable.

    I was astounded that this was part of our training and that our teacher was being so open about it. I can’t remember which course this was for — maybe the illustration one. (I don’t think that there was a course that was specifically devoted to advertising work.) I also can’t remember what my ad looked like or what image or word I added that was intended to influence. I long ago threw out most of my college assignments.

    Because the program didn’t seem to be geared to preparing one for a cartooning career, I quit it a short while later, so I don’t know if there were more lessons to come about the art of subliminal persuasion. 

    I did manage to eventually become a professional cartoonist.

    I read at least some of Key’s other books, and they gave me a good start in being sceptical of the corporate media, although I can now see that neither Key nor I (when I was reading him in my teens and twenties) were as sceptical as we should have been. 

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    1. This is important … I claimed that subliminal art was not a college subject, and you’ve offered evidence that it is, at least in passing. I am glad the Key book was part of the curriculum, and thanks for commenting.

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      1. You’re welcome. I hope this doesn’t seem like quibbling, but I can not say that it IS a college subject. I can say that it WAS one at THAT institution at THAT point in time and that the coverage of it went beyond it being mentioned in passing. 

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