The theory that all trees are fake, an optical illusion put there by bears to hide their dens, is gaining wide traction these days on the Internet. Bears are actually very clever manipulators who run the planet from underground, with elaborate lighting and shadowing devices that create the illusion of trees within a thirty yard radius around us as we walk outdoors.
Ask yourself why, when you’re in the woods, trees more than ninety feet away seem hard to distinguish from one another. It’s because the lighting and shadow illusion is created by low-output solar cells that can only work inside that distance. Every now and then we see a bear … always running away. They are instructed to avoid humans, and so bugger out whenever they spot one of us. You might also notice too that they make dens … UNDERGROUND. Evidence is overwhelming and right in front of us.
Now, let’s talk about this, and nothing else. I am going to make my way around the blogs to spread the word about bears and fake trees – I’ve got more evidence than anyone has time to research it. My shamelessly parroted theories have to be taken seriously because there are so many of us bloggers and YouTubers talking and writing about it. We are serious. We demand your attention. You cannot avoid us. We are pedantic pains in the asses and we won’t shut up until we derail every thread on every blog.
So stop what you’re doing and talk about my theories, OK?