“Woke” versus “self-aware”

The term “woke,” which refers to racial awareness, was tired even before all the wrong people started using it. It’s even been used to refer to Joe Biden, who seems barely sentient. People who refer to themselves in this manner are generally a far reach from any kind of real political or social awareness.

I generally use the term “self aware” as a descriptor for someone with a sense of both self and wakefulness. It means owning a mirror, and knowing how to use it. My older brother, in general the kindest and smartest man I have ever known, was not quite fully self aware. He strove to be perfect in life, but never knew why he did so. I came about the reason late in my own life, and long after Steve had passed. We grew up in a violent and angry household, most of which I missed (I cannot speak to memories before age five). Our mother was a saint, but then, I question why she married as she did, and why she stayed. (Catholics are not allowed to divorce, so that’s one reason. But I know that hundreds of thousands use forbiddance of divorce as the reason they quit the Church. That option was available to Mom.)

Steve, being the smartest boy in the family, quietly came to understand that the way to avoid violence was to be perfect. He got straight A’s from first grade forward, never smoked, and while not excelling at athletics, went out for every sport and was a good guy to have both on the team and on the bench. He ran in the Boston Marathon, climbed the tallest peaks in the lower 48, refurbished two parishes, and helped countless young people. He was especially useful to those in dysfunctional homes.

In his senior year of high school, he decided to become a Catholic priest. In our family, this was akin to the presidency, the highest office attainable. My mother spoke of Steve as if he was a saint. He once got a traffic ticket for a rolling stop. Mom said yeah, but that will never happen again. Anyone who walked into the house I grew up in would right away notice not only FOX News blaring away, but also a mahogany shrine with curved glass panes in a corner nook. In it, among other religious icons, was a plaster of paris image of the Virgin Mother,  and below that, Steve’s photo. (I do not think he was gay, not that it matters. I merely think celibacy was part of his striving for perfection.)

Graduation photos of me and my other brothers, I learned after we moved Mom and Dad out of that cracker box, were not on display anywhere in the house, but kept on a shelf in their closet.

So, Steve was a good man, a fine man, a smart man, but not totally self-aware. He spoke at our Dad’s funeral of him as a sweet man. Sitting in his lap as a child, he said, was the warmest and most secure feeling he ever had. Huh? Dad gave me many feelings, but security was not one of them.

Well, that’s my past, and truthfully, I grew up mostly happy, having friends and girlfriends, though I never invited any to the house. I’d have to work my growing-up issues on my own, and it was a long project. I was not self-aware as a child, teenager, young married man or parent. None of that would come to me until age 38 (=11). The years 1988-1993 run together as kind of a blur, but during those years I would come alive intellectually, quit the Catholic Church, divorce my first wife, bounce from a political conservative to a political liberal (thinking if one was wrong, the other MUST be right!).

I was only slowly becoming aware and self-aware. It’s an ongoing project. I did notice about myself that I tended to be attracted to the same kind of women that I had married, and realized that something had to change, that I needed someone better. I dated and broke up with three women who would surely have been part of a second failed marriage had I followed through. (I met my current wife a couple of years later, in 1995. She is not at all like anyone else I ever dated.)

I am writing this because honestly, and readers here feel it, this is a lonely planet. There isn’t much going on behind those masks. There’s nothing to mine, no new friendships to explore, that is, unless I learn to STFU, which is no way to live. Having non-mainstream non-groupthink opinions is the path to ostracism.

I watched this video yesterday featuring Drs. Tom Cowen, Andrew Kaufman, and Stefan Lanka. It’s over an hour long and I don’t expect anyone to watch it as I did, beginning to end. However, I noted at the end, especially with Kaufman, a sense of resignation, of giving up on humanity. He speaks of forming new relationships and communities apart from the madding masked crowds. On other occasions he has suggested that it is futile and pointless to try to reason with people, as it only confuses and alienates them.

That’s my feeling as well. William Skink has advised me that it is not as bad out there as I imagine, that there are more of us awake and self-aware than I know. I hope he is right, but if that is the case, then I have but one piece of advice for them:


PS: This maybe useful to some of you. At the gym I use, Anytime Fitness, they are being draconian about masks, as the Jeffco Health Department is threatening to shut them down, and snitches are at work. I have a mask that is black with white lettering, the word SHEEP on it. On the line formed by the bottom of the letters, I cut a 3-inch slit, and where the first E is, another smaller slit for my nose. This way, I have the mask on as the gym requires, but can breathe freely!

Is the slit visible? Can people see my mouth? This is the beauty of it on this lonely planet. No one looks at faces or makes eye contact anymore. No one notices.

29 thoughts on ““Woke” versus “self-aware”

  1. Your description of your brother Steve reminds me a lot of my Uncle Jay, who is also considered a saint by many in my family. He’s always been my favorite relative, and I still love and admire him, but the Covid scam has exposed me to the limits of his (and my own) self-awareness.

    Uncle Jay and my dad were the youngest of four brothers. The oldest was a legal adult and out of the house when they were small children, and the second oldest was in his mid-to-late teens. The second-oldest was a genius, and also a deeply disturbed, violent sadist. The childhood my dad and Uncle Jay had–tormented by their nearly-adult brother, while their neglectful church-obsessed parents turned a blind eye–is the stuff fake serial-killer back stories are made of. All four brothers became Protestant ministers like my dad, but three of them lived in lonely, bitter, miserable alcoholic despair by the time they retired or were forced to retire.

    Given the competition, it wasn’t tough for Uncle Jay to rise to the level of saint in our family’s eyes, but he really does have integrity. Yes, he’s a liberal, and I’ve only recently come to understand that “liberal” isn’t good because “conservative” is bad, as I was raised to believe. But unlike most liberals, Uncle Jay actually DOES the things he thinks other people should do, fighting with members of state congress and local leadership in the cause of racial and economic justice. Now in retirement, he spends most of his days working to get unjustly imprisoned black people freed, among other causes. On top of that, he’s self aware enough to recognize his own savior complex, and thank God for that. Without that self-awareness, he’d be insufferable, but as it is, he’s a wonderful guy to talk to about almost anything.

    Except Covid.

    The last time we spoke, he said, backed away from saying, and then said in a different way, that my views on Covid spring from my estrangement from my father. He also heavily implied I should renounce my views because those views are tainted by, and perhaps originate with, those uneducated racist gun-toting Trumpsters.

    The fact that I allowed myself to get deep into this conversation with him, knowing how he felt, knowing how unyielding we each are on our opposite ends of this issue, has led me to take a deeper look at my own self-awareness. If I love someone, why set up a situation and perpetuate a conversation that I know will make me contemptuous of him?


  2. SCOTTRC – “If I love someone, why set up a situation and perpetuate a conversation that I know will make me contemptuous of him?” Ahhh. So profound. This hits me hard. I need to ask myself this very question, as I did the same with my brother – within the very same context. Why, why, why, do I even engage in this way, such that I end up wanting to kick myself in the butt? It also only serves to make me look (and even feel) like the non-compassionate one. Nevertheless, I seem to vacillate from day-to-day; some days, I feel compassionate for those suffering from group-think (and hypoxia), while other days I feel like yelling out my window to neighbors who insist on wearing masks as they walk alone through the neighborhood. One neighbor claims she needs to wear it on windier days . . . because . . . well, I asked her why . . . she could not quite explain it.


    1. I just went through this with a relative, one who tends to be assertive and loud in argumentation. I made a conscious decision to engage him. I’m pretty knowledgeable about stuff, he’s not, but thinks that the words “I believe” relieve him of any duty to research or apply critical thinking. When he insisted that his opinions were indeed well researched, I refused to defer, and this made him very angry. I was not supposed to challenge his basis for beliefs even as I knew that he had no basis other than conversations with coworker and friends, and electronic media.

      In the end, as he walked away, he said that I was an “original thinker,” which I took to be a euphemism. I wanted to say, but didn’t, “Next time, don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.” But here’s the thing: I have no regrets. I introduced him to new concepts. Maybe I created a discomfort zone in him, where new ideas can enter.


      1. I look back at before my mind started to open and see myself then as very childlike in terms of innocence of my own ignorance of how the world really is. That is how I view most “zombies” these days, as mentally like young childlren who do not know better, YET. Thinking this way helps keep my enormous ego in check when trying to plant seeds of truth and break through closed minds.

        Adults who make fun of children who do not understand something end up looking and hopefully feeling foolish themselves.

        Why in the hell was I chosen to wake up? I do not know. I desperately seem to want to help awaken every asleep person I meet,it’s almost the only thing that matters to me now.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I imagine “all the lovely (mask-wearer) people” as involuntary hypnosis victims. Some rank slightly higher as zombies. I wonder what the secret trigger might be, and dream of wandering the streets of Bozeman snapping them out of their trance. Made it through Easter family dinner/gathering with hugs all around; no emotional outbursts and no masks for any of the 14 in attendance.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Stephers,
      Your contributions to this blog are so important. I don’t know how anyone can spend as much time as you do studying the specifics of this horrific, hateful lunacy without falling into despair, depression and hopelessness. I’ve read half of your latest essay, and though it is enlightening, thought-provoking, well-written and thorough, I had to take a break for the sake of my own mental and emotional health. I’ll get back to it–understanding the specifics and their implications is important. But no matter how much light and levity you bring to it (and you bring a lot), the information itself is devastating. It’s a rare person who can do what you do as well as you do it.


  3. So, a great post and a link to a fine, heart warming video. An exhortation to GROW A BACKBONE. Followed, apparently without irony, by a lame-ass, pitiful story about how you oh so cleverly comply with a mask mandate. Sorry, Mark but from England that is one huge FAIL! You need to take Allan Stevo’s writing on Lew Rockwell to heart.


      1. As I say, Allan Stevo, your fellow countryman, is inspiring on how to succeed in resisting “mandates”, apparently against the odds – I can only say, it works. Every time.


        1. And of course, your fake mask, being so well concealed, looks real to others whom you might otherwise inspire to grow a backbone. No pass on this I’m afraid. I may never see my house in France again over my refusal to engage the PCR test scam. BECAUSE this tyranny will never be defeated by compliance. That also EXCLUDES buying a blackmarket fake test result.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. Let him that has never sinned throw the first stone. I would not wear a mask into stores after being escorted out a few times by police. I stopped going out to stores altogether. My brother ended up shopping for me and wearing a mask to do so. I am pretty sure Mark is aware of his choice just as I was when my brother did my shopping for me. I judge people like crazy but I am a hypocrite. The less I judge the better. Keep fighting as best you can my brothers and sisters.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. MT – Your keen analysis here deeply resonates with me. “It means owning a mirror, and knowing how to use it.” Best statement I have read yet. I work diligently on developing self-awareness, yet when I read this, I suddenly realized I have a long way to go . . . Thanks for sharing this story.


    1. We’re all on the same journey, those of us who frequent this blog a little but ahead of the game, whatever the game is. I cannot say I truly understood all the symbolism in Bradbury’s The Martian Chronicles, as I was much younger and thickheaded, but that closing paragraph of the book, where he looks at his reflection in the water, and sees a Martian, somehow moved me. This ain’t meant to be deep or philosophical. It was just a moment in time when a writer brought me to a point of incomprehension, deliberately, and left it to me to figure out. That’s why we have good writers.


  5. In our desire for credibility
    we’ve become as uptight and stiff necked
    as “they” are. Where’s our ridicule, satire, disdain
    for the masqueraders and their silly notions?

    Our lack of resourcefulness smacks of petrification,
    our fear of looking foolish as compliance.
    The game will be won by images, memes, energy, not by
    letters on a page few will read.
    This is a colossal spiritual issue.
    Let the discomfort ramp up in earnest!

    Someone has already been inspired by MT’s comment…


    1. Kroger: If you haven’t come across the YouTuber who calls herself “WhatsHerFace,” you’re in for a treat. She’s calls Covid bullshit like a pro, and does it with often hilarious attitude: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMZjeadL0c2PSix1Gr7mqKw/videos

      There are others, but they’re hard to come by. The Internet’s algorithms and platforms work against people who heap ridicule, satire and disdain on this mess. Also, satire in mainstream media has ALWAYS served the people and institutions it supposedly targets. Our satirists and comedians are court jesters. Alec Baldwin couldn’t have been a bigger boon for Donald Trump. Frankly, when we get to the point where lots of entertainers are heaping the ridicule and satire on Covid, it means the project has succeeded.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Back to Whatsherface though. My favorite rant of hers so far comes from her May 15, 2020 video, “Should you be wearing a face mask?!”

        Am I the only one whose vagina shrivels right up every time I see a guy walking around out there wearing a surgical mask? I feel like it’s not really my fault. There’s just something inherently unattractive about a man who fears death.


      2. Yes, familiar with her work, ty. The “charge” put on certain words and behaviors has been so pervasive, when people shuffle to the gulag at least they’ll be polite about it…


  6. That’s all one can hope for in this life.

    Take in what beauty you can…and perhaps ‘source” will gift you a little internal peace.

    That’s it?? Yes, that’s it!!


  7. Why do I want to burst in tears after reading your post? So many things in it rub my not yet healed wounds (or so it feels like it). My childhood in a very difficult family, a brother who is a truly good and not self-aware man, my own loss of faith in humanity, a good friend calling me a conspiracy theorist while providing me with her ‘proper’ source of information from newspapers owned by Bezos, Rothschild, Murdoch et al.
    On a happier note, I know that now is the time to peel the onion and eliminate that which was dear, which was sacred. It is a painful process but we will survive. (or will we?).


  8. I know a man named Ray (Ray of light) and the name seems more ironic all the time. Of course, the full name Raymond, meaning “Sun and Moon?” Anyways, he is a bonafide Catholic. Goes to Mass every Sunday morning. At his current job, he told them before hire that he had to have Sunday off, no exceptions. Recently, he was contacted by his (6?) siblings (all raised Catholic as well) about whether or not he had received the vaccine yet. His response set off a bit of a storm. He indicated that he would not be getting any vaccine. Needless to say, all of his siblings sorta see themselves as smarter than he is. The difference is, he has had me in his circle for the past 35+ years. No one in my immediate circle will be getting vaxed. For the most part, no one in my circle wears a mask to go into any stores or businesses, though some do wear them for work. I live my self-awareness, 24/7/365 and though it is not politically correct to do so, the truth flows out no matter who is listening. Mark has written that he is Liberal? In my way of thinking, staying with a woman and being faithful to her and appreciating her is not a Liberal Trait. That is a Conservative Trait. In my way of thinking, a Liberal wants change to happen rapidly to suit his ego while a Conservative wants change to happen naturally over time, so not to disrupt everything. A Liberal wants to tell you “you must wear a mask, take a vaccine, do as you are told!”. A Conservative wants to take a step back and see what the facts really are before making any rash decisions. A Liberal wants to take your guns so that his henchmen are less likely to be injured while kicking down your door, kicking you in the head and hauling you away for not wearing a mask. A Conservative wants you to have your guns because when you never know who is packing, everyone is a little bit nicer to everyone else. A man once told me that it should be LEGAL to kill one other person during your lifetime with no questions asked and in that society, strangers would be much nicer to others, not knowing if that person had used up that one free kill. Now back to the dichotomy. A Conservative wants to build something substantial over time, with his own two hands, that can be handed down to his/her heirs. A Liberal wants to take what others have earned or built under the guise of helping the less fortunate, all the while using the ill gotten gains to enrich him/herself. A Liberal says “do as I say, not as I do!” or you will be LEFT behind. A Conservative simply leads by example and others of a concientious mind will follow and listen to instruction in the ways of doing things RIGHT. I realize that at the top of all pyramid schemes, there are those Conservative (please don’t topple my scheme, don’t turn it upside down) folks.
    Fighting against competition is a natural state of being and thriving in the face of fair competition is empowering. Lost in all of this Media Mayhem is why Interest Rates are at all time lows. Why now? You might want to look at the massive increase in the sales and use of Guns and Ammo. The Bankers at the top have little to fear in the short term, but the underlings who live and work a block from a gun enthusiast are not so confident. Interst Rates are at an all-time low, fuel prices are reasonable, food is affordable and THEY seem to be very much wanting you to have MONEY (that they stole from the productive) in your pocket. THEY are still trying to poison you at every turn with the Water, Processed foods, Medical Quackery, Media Lies and Propaganda, Pesticides, Herbicides, Cleaning Agents ,i.e. “solvents” like Ammonia and Bleach (dissolve biological matter). Now one of the cruelest tricks of the CORPORATION is that it is a “False/Fake Family”. Once you leave that thing that exists in NAME only, you may gravitate back to your real Biological Family. THEY have tricked the uninitiated into judging each and every one of your Family Members, to the point that Families are very often broken and disfunctional at best and completely at war with each other at worst. I still remember the exact words spoken to me many years ago when my biological brother joined The Brothers. He said “I’ve got some new brothers now. I finally found some people who think like I do!” I can’t say for certain that he still feels the exact same way about his adopted Brothers now. I consider myself to be Conservative. I have no idea what the Official Defintion of the word is or how many differenct ways it is perceived. Here are some examples of what my Conservatism is: I do not drink alcohol, do drugs (Legal of Illegal), do not smoke cigarettes, usually drink only water, never gamble on Lottery Tickets, Casinos or any other “games of chance”, I sacrifice many of my own selfish needs and wants for my Family and Friends and I have never used the Corrupt Court Sewer System to settle any disputes and I have never paid $8 for a cup of coffee, never been tattooed, pierced, dyed my hair or worn makeup. I used to wear masks on halloween when I was in Grade School. Then I grew up and haven’t worn a mask since and most of the mask wearing employees that I encounter treat me with more respect than the mask wearing crowd. It seems that it lights up their dreary world to see a confident face in the face of this world of lies, propaganda and compliance!


    1. Did you miss Mark’s rant about the simple courtesy of paragraph breaks, so strangely neglected in our world today? : )

      (Funny that, since I had just seen it myself in a lengthy faceborg screed, and started thinking about a writing a parody.)


      1. TimR,

        There I go again, breaking the rules!

        Did you read what I wrote beginning to end?

        Did you learn anything?

        Ever considered the “white and black” of the checkered Freemasonic Floor?
        “White” has 2 silent letters, leaving “wit” and if yoo combine the first 2 letters of “Wit” with the last 2 letters of “black” yoo get “Wick” as in “John Wick”.

        Exactly what is the meaning of “John”? Well, one hint is the 47° of the Freemasonic Compass/butt we can’t talk about the Cryptographic Numerical Value connection between “John” and “The Compass” on this blog.

        If you have ever watched a TV COP Show or Movie, the male client of the prostitute is always referred to as “The John” and “client” is a code word for “penis” and “John” is a pet name for “That erected member in Congress”.

        As a gift to those not as gifted at seeing, once again, follow this sausage link to learn so much that you would not otherwise ever know, butt beware, once yoo tumble down the Rabbi’toll, there’s no going back.



  9. Great portraits of your brother and uncle, Mark and Scott. My eldest half-brother in the US also is the role model type. So many good things to say about him, and nothing negative that could possibly cross my hand when I think of him. But he is a 100 % believer in basically all the mainstream narratives, seamlessly adapting to whatever is the truth du jour, and of course he is a firm believer in the Covid scam.

    I have joined a local anti Corona group and I wish all of you the best of luck in finding like-minded people so as not to submerge in an ocean of antihuman idiocy and sheepish obedience and compliance. (Poor sheep should not be compared to humans any more, does them no justice.) Internet is great for inspiration and sharing ideas, but at the end of the day you need real humans to meet up with.


  10. Don’t let Kaufman give you a learned helpless meme or vibe. He came on the scene saying he got his boost from Richie from Boston who also gave us the UN connected doctor who uttered the words “chemtrail cough” to Rachael Reenstra as she recorded in the examination room. All very weird and fishy. What Kaufman won’t mention are the details of endless nasty and deadly reactions to the jab. Nor will he mention how health care is one facet of the enslavement of humanity through Human Capital Markets. All we get in medical analysis in “alt” is endless Kabuki theater including RFK Jr + Fran Drescher vs Shiva Ayyadurai (Fran’s ex). RFK Jr and BigTree pimping Zach Bush and his Club of Rome-esque message as he finagles a major role in big Human Capital Market funds. Some of us see right through their BS.

    Take heart, all the world may be a stage but Mother Nature will not be denied her due even when she is up against self appointed psychopath “Masters of the Universe” (or so they think). Entropy. The pyramid cap cannot escape it.


  11. Mark:
    You probably know this, and were using customary shorthand, but the statement “Catholics are not allowed to divorce” is not correct.
    Catholics who have celebrated the Sacrament of Matrimony are not free to re-marry, absent an annulment.


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