The watched a new version of an old tale, The Batman last night. It stars Robert Pattinson, and man is it dark. Every outdoor scene is at night and in pouring rain. Pattinson’s Bruce Wayne is morose, depressed. It seems that his mother and father were murdered, and the guy never got over it. So there he is, an orphan, living in a mansion, having all the resources a man can have. He’s got no girlfriend, of course.
At a certain point in the movie, The Riddler (Paul Dano) is in jail, and he and The Batman are conversing. The Riddler subtly implies that he knows that Bruce Wayne is The Batman. Thinking about it, I thought, you know, man, that could be right. I’ve never really thought about it. But I do have this technology here to test this theory.
So I did the usual, setting the eye pupil distance and all of that, and I have to tell you, with The Batman, it was difficult. The guy wears contacts that record everything going on in front of him. So I just sort of had to guess. This is what I got:
There you have it.Bruce Wayne is The Batman. For me, this puts the whole movie, in fact, the entire Batman franchise in new perspective. I’ll never again see two separate and unrelated characters.
Then I thought, while I am at it, there’s another superhero I would like to unmask, so to speak. To the right here is Superman, aka “The Caped Crusader”. Do I have that right? Not sure. Anyway, moving along, there’s another character who turns up in Superman movies, Clark Kent, a mild-mannered newspaper reporter for the Daily Planet. I have pretty sharp eyes, and right away spotted a strong resemblance. I suspected that KC was SM. But how to tease it out? Again, technology.
Here we go:
And there you have it, spot on! Two different men! It could be that there is slight (very slight) distortion caused by Kent’s horned rims, but not enough to matter. These are different dudes in different costumes.
So I have big, big news for Gotham City – Batman has an alter ego. Metropolis … as you were.
I rest my case.