On my way to the hardware store two days ago I came upon two tortoises on the road, big ones, maybe thirty pounds each. I stopped, so did another man named Mark, and we kept them off the road while trying to figure out what to do.
This is unusual but not made up or a joke. I finally decided to put them in the bed of my truck and keep them till we found their owner. Otherwise they would perish or get run over.
There was some commotion of cars going by and routine turtle jokes. (Mine: “Someone left a gate open and they bolted.”) A woman high on her deck on a nearby hill yelled down “What’s going on?” I yelled back “turtles in the road!” She screamed and came running down and scolded her tortoises for escaping her yard. She keeps them to trim her grass.
I gave them a ride home. Her name is Peggy, and the slow-moving escapees were Pete and Don.
OK, I made that part up about the names. The rest is true.
Which reminds me of another joke, probably too subtle: What do you do when threatened by a turtle? (Walk away.)