Well, it is the seventeenth anniversary of 9/11, so this has to be written. Please take time to review Kevin’s article below, The Sewing Circle (Loose Threads) as it is much more interesting than this will be.
It is time to talk about controlled demolition of seven buildings, two of which oddly formed the number 11 and that perhaps sat mostly empty for 33 years, of vicsims and rabbit holes, the devilishly clever misdirection of Dr. Steven Jones and Dr. Judy Woods and, of course, Jim Fetzer, who is not very clever but omnipresent in every fake event. All of that matters, and it needs to be discussed, especially on the anniversary …
Man, it is hard to sustain the interest. They got away with it … so, I was standing in line at Starbucks this morning, this one a grocery store outlet where service is much slower, and in front of me were two women, one in nascent obesity, and the other soon to be. “I’ll bet … I’ll bet…” I thought, and as I waited for their drinks to emerge, thought “Aha!” Each of them had ordered up several tablespoons of table sugar in the form of a Starbucks breakfast drink.
What must the conversation have been among Starbucks management and advertisers?
Ad Agency: “If you want repeat business, you have to sell more sugar! Have you ever thought about going into the ice cream business?”
Executive: “Of course. Ice cream is great food, but customers shy away from it because it has the reputation of being a dessert.”
Ad Agency: “Change the image.”
Executive: “But how?”
Ad Agency: “Come on now, this is what we get paid for!”
Executive: “How do we make ice cream nutritious?”
Ad Agency: “Nuwhatus? Don’t ever use that word!”
Executive: “Sorry, my bad. How do we make ice cream a breakfast drink?”
Ad Agency: “Change the name. call it something else. Marketing 101. OK, ladies and gentlemen. Brainstrom time. Give me names … ” [the room comes alive] … Icealicious … candywrappo … whapposilious … whipcremata … ” “Wait! Whapp … I’m getting a vibe here … wrapper … whapper … dapper … mapper … Frap! Ever heard of a chocolate frappe?”
Executive: “Yeah, but it’s ice cream!”
Ad Agency: “No, it’s not ice cream. It’s Italian, fer chrissakes. It ends in a vowel. Frappacina. No wait. I got it. FRAPPUCINO.”
A hush falls over the room. It is the ghost of Don Draper.
Here’s a primer on Starbucks drinks. As a rule of thumb, 4.69 grams equals one teaspoon of table sugar. I’ll list the drink, and then teaspoons of sugar in parenthesis.
Doubleshot Energy Vanilla Drink (5.34)
Bottled Coffee Frappuccino Coffee Drink (6.84)
Bottled Dark Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino Coffee Drink (10.23)
Caramel Iced Coffee (4.26)
Hot Chocolate (9.18)
Peppermint Hot Chocolate (13.02)
Caffè Mocha (7.47)
Cinnamon Dolce Latte (8.52)
Black coffee (0)
That’s all well and good – sugar is fun! On Sunday evening at a family dinner I gulped down apple pie and ice cream, and there must have been ten teaspoons of sugar in it. But the key for Starbucks is repeatability. I enjoyed my dessert because I rarely eat dessert. It is not a repeatable daily treat. Starbucks depends on habits formed, and just as sexy women sell cars, sugar sells drinks. I used to think that Coca-Cola® (8.32 teaspoons of sugar per can) was the primary driver behind the American obesity problem. Starbucks is giving them a run for the money.
Oh yeah, 9/11 … that is what I am supposed to be writing about on this seventeenth anniversary. Fake event, TV show, no one died stateside, but countless people may have died so far in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Syria … the beat goes on. Who knows, as our primary source for that information is American news, the same people who brought us 9/11, The TV Show.