We went off the tracks here with the twins business. We had discovered real twins in show business, knew of the ability of the industry to keep its secrets, and using some credible photographic analysis coupled with confirmation bias, projected too much.
So far I have examined four sets of twins, Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, Robert De Niro and Jennifer Aniston. They’re all in the reccycle bin. While Straight still thinks that Beyoncé is a twin, I told him that if I cannot defend it, I cannot assert it. I don’t think she is a twin – it was just a publicity stunt involving alter ego Sasha Fierce that promoted the aberrant photos that led me off track. It was confirmation bias, writ large.
Beyond that, I am finding myself echoing the sentiments of a few commenters as I sweat out these matters … so what? So what about twins? They don’t matter. They are not interesting. They are just show business people.
I am going to get out of the twin-spotting business, to de-link the entire list with cautionary notes on each, and get on with my life with a hard lesson learned. There might indeed be a set or two of twins in there – some nuggets among the fool’s gold. Jared Leto comes to mind, having, like Elvis, both a music and acting career at once. If so, more power to him/them. The ones I left on the list – Rihanna, Drake, Joplin etc., I regard as defensible.
So here I sit on a Sunday morning imagining a conversation (lots of speculation involved) that might have taken place in 1961 or so in Hamburg, Germany:
On-Site Project Manager: Hi Stu. Thanks for coming in.
Stu: Yeah, no problem. What’s up?
On-Site Project Manager: Well, word came down from London, they’ve pretty well made their decisions on the music groups. It’s not anything against you, but they were looking for certain type personalities more than musical talent, and they think they found them. So if you want to stay in the project, I’m afraid it’s not going to be as a musician.
Stu: That’s disappointing, but I sure won’t miss those seedy bars, that nightclub life, all the hookers and drugs, all those creepy people. What have you got in mind?
On-Site Project Manager: Art, Stu. They’ve pegged you as an artist.
Stu: I’ve studied art a little back in Liverpool. How is that going to work?
On-Site Project Manager: We know about the art school back home. We’ll send you to take more classes, basic training all over again. You don’t have to be really good. We’ll promote you – we’ve got people in the art circles who will do that part. Hell, we can even do the art for you if we need to.
Stu: I am going to be an artist, and I don’t have to be any good?
On-Site Project Manager: Stu, look around you. These musicians aren’t any good. Real musicians spend their whole life training. That’s not what London is after. They can teach voice projection and guitar strumming. They just want stage presence. We’ll replace you on bass – we can teach those Halliday boys to play a bass guitar. It’s not that hard. It’s just power of suggestion – we’ll make them seem really good when they finally go public.
Stu: So I am going to be an artist.
On-Site Project Manager: No Stu, I would not call it that. They’ve got bigger ideas. It’s a separate project they’ve been running for a long time, to make art less … shall we say … artful? You’ll be part of it.
Stu: Do I have a choice?
On-Site Project Manager: Well, of course you have choices. If you want to work for us, this is your choice. It will be lucrative. Money won’t be an issue.
Stu: I’m going to miss the boys, especially my buddy John.
On-Site Project Manager: Yeah, we watch that pretty closely. It was part of the decision to remove you from the group – we can’t have band members being secret … ahem … lovers.
Stu (looking down at his feet): You know about that.
On-Site Project Manager: Of course. We watch our people here closely. London says not to worry, that it is a separate project too, but down the road. Anyway, Stu, here’s what’s involved. We’re going to put you in the Hamburg College to pick up where you left off in Liverpool. But be prepared for what follows – for your new assignment, you’re going to have to die.
Stu: Die? What do you mean?
On-Site Project Manager: Oh, don’t worry – we’ve got people who handle that aspect of our business. You won’t die for real, but we have to make you disappear so you can reappear later – you will be in the States, so no one will connect your new person with your old one. Your death will be fake. We do that quite a bit.
Stu: I have to leave my family, my friends?
On-Site Project Manager: Some will think you’re really dead. Enough won’t. We’ll keep your family quiet, in a nice way, Stu. They’ll be all right. John and his brother will know. So will the Halliday’s, maybe George too since he is going to be part of one of the groups with John and his brother. You’ll still have your friends. And when it is all over Stu, when your work is done, we’ll fake your death again so you can have a nice retirement. It’s interesting … once a death is faked, people stop looking. Even when they see you, they won’t know it. Fake death is really effective.
Stu: Sounds intriguing, I guess. If it’s my only option, I am on board.
On-Site Project Manager: It is your only option, Stu. But it’s a good one. The London people like what they see in you. So plan on it.
Stu: OK. I’ve been practicing my art anyway, just to pass the time. I’ve got one that I did, I think it’s pretty good – it’s just done to practice technique, realistic interpretation and all of that. It’s a can of Campbell’s soup. It’s not art, but maybe shows you I have talent.
On-Site Project Manager: That’s what we’re talking about.
I spent some time yesterday on the Stu Sutcliffe/Andy Warhol work. It’s defensible. Tomorrow I am going to rework it using overlays and gifs. I am going to amend the piece to explain fake deaths, use of intelligence “assets” (not agents) in the music business, and a long-running Intelligence project to corrupt art covered by credible people in a couple of books I’ve read.
I’ve had enough of twins. I went down an alley and need to get out. Mea culpa. Right now, my tummy is churning again with excitement and optimism about our work here. That’s been missing lately. This coming week, sufficient warning given, the twins list in the “under review” menu will all fake their deaths.